Leaving home for University is an interesting time.\u00a0 I took it reasonably seriously.<\/p>\n
And I was hopeful.<\/p>\n
I decided to go on the pill.\u00a0 Clearly,\u00a0being a new grown up,\u00a0I needed to act responsibly. At some point I was bound to get lucky.<\/p>\n
I dutifully registered with the University medical centre, made my appointment and presented myself at the appropriate date and time.<\/p>\n
Never having used ‘proper’ contraception, I had no idea what to expect.\u00a0 In fact, it was only whilst sitting in the waiting room that I began to imagine my consultation.\u00a0 Would the doctor ask difficult questions?\u00a0 Perhaps she might consider me too young.\u00a0 Or ineligible on the grounds that I didn’t have a boyfriend and wasn’t in a serious relationship. Would she want to examine me?\u00a0 What kind of examination might that be?<\/p>\n
OMG!\u00a0 She might want to look DOWN THERE!!<\/p>\n
And\u00a0the Big Pants that my mother bought – which I was now sporting – probably wouldn’t pass muster.\u00a0 She’d take one look and laugh me out of the surgery.\u00a0 Who did I think I was? Mata\u00a0Hari?<\/p>\n
On the verge of\u00a0flight,\u00a0\u00a0the\u00a0Receptionist called my name, indicating the direction of Dr Janus’ door.<\/p>\n
Naturally, despite my new found reservations, I did as bid.\u00a0 Rude not to.\u00a0 Not to mention, a complete waste of valuable doctor’s time.<\/p>\n
You can imagine my surprise and horror\u00a0when I entered the consulting room, only to be met by a tall, bronzed, blonde-haired, blue-eyed Adonis. It had never occurred to me that the doctor might be MALE!\u00a0 Worse.\u00a0 Only a\u00a0bit older than me.<\/p>\n
“Good afternoon,” he said, in a deep mid-Australian drawl, rising\u00a0to welcome me and pulling out a chair to sit in, \u00a0“Richard Janus.\u00a0 How can I help you?”\u00a0 He smiled warmly and broadly, his eyes twinkling with beguiling mischief.<\/p>\n
I blinked blindly at his tousled hair.\u00a0 Surfer-dude body.\u00a0 My mouth went dry.<\/p>\n
I\u00a0melted into the chair, mostly because it was the only thing I could do. Other than run.<\/p>\n
“Erm…” I struggled to think of anything remotely credible.\u00a0 My eyes flew wildly around the room, desperately looking for inspiration and finding none.<\/p>\n
“Salt.” I finally ventured, “I think I’m taking too much salt.”\u00a0 It was pathetic, even to my own ears.<\/p>\n
Doctor Richard Janus reacted with a studied, neutral, perplexed expression.\u00a0 He wasn’t buying it.<\/p>\n
“Indeed.” He replied, after a short hiatus.<\/p>\n
And then he waited,\u00a0the\u00a0chasm opening up between us.\u00a0 My palms were sweating.<\/p>\n
I started to blather. It was one of those out of body moments where consciousness took flight to a nearby shelf whilst my mouth trotted out complete inanities.\u00a0 My brain screamed at me, “FFS! Get a grip!\u00a0 He’s\u00a0a DOCTOR<\/strong>!\u00a0 He’s done this before!\u00a0 He’s talked contraception!\u00a0 Tell him why you’re here!”<\/em><\/p>\n By some strange meandering route, I managed to get\u00a0my monologue to the motive behind\u00a0this visit.\u00a0 My brain had already decided that asking for any form of proper contraception was out of the question, just in case it involved an examination. But something more…accessible…was probably the best way forward.<\/p>\n All the time, Adonis sat silently, smiling and nodding as if I was making complete sense.<\/p>\n “So you see, Doctor,” I concluded, “I’m thinking something rubber may be what I’m after.”<\/p>\n Dr Janus nodded once more, this time with more force.<\/p>\n “Yes.\u00a0 I do find Wellington boots a great detraction from a woman’s sensuality.” he said, as if this was a moot point worth debating.<\/p>\n We exchanged a look.\u00a0 And laughed.<\/p>\n He turned away to write a prescription.<\/p>\n “I’m so sorry\u00a0if you think I’m\u00a0wasting your time.” I blurted.<\/p>\n “No problem.” he replied, not looking up.<\/p>\n He passed me the slip of paper that we both knew I didn’t want and\u00a0wouldn’t need.\u00a0 I could buy condoms at the chemist.<\/p>\n And I learned my lesson in Life.\u00a0 If you want something, don’t\u00a0obfuscate.\u00a0 Spit it out, whatever the outcome.<\/p>\n I have been grateful to Dr Richard Janus\u00a0ever since.<\/p>\n